Saturday, November 13, 2004 // 11:24 PM

starved!
what do after yo's. find a new mp3 source. trash my room. trash my secondary school life. plumb the depths of my computer. trash clothes and become someone less material. watch tv until my eyes focus no more.
there is nothing i want to do so much that i would not rather do nothing.
bought a suitcase on a whim, it is green and clunky and perfect for running away from home.
i admitted to kevin that im Anti-Male. i am, i am an amazon, or at least some sort of wannabe, i like the idea of being completely independent. because i have spent the greater part of my life being yanked in different directions by emotions, i am aged enough to be cynical, to be prejudiced.
i want to write. i think, one of the biggest reasons why i cannot see myself being a good friend with you, is because i am obsessed with talking about Thoughts and Feelings. when i think about you, it is a silent frame, silent til provoked.
and i love talking about nothing, the everything-kind-of-nothing. i just want someone to talk to, someone to bounce things on or off, someone who will talk back to me. i dont love arguing for nothing.
i spent hours in a shopping centre and didnt buy a thing. running my hands over furry buddhas and peranakan tiles. i want my ceiling in my future house to be paved with peranakan tiles, i really do.
gerard that reminds me of you.
i want the thirty-three-buck maozedong shirt. i am collecting dictators emblazoned across my front, thank you very much.
i want to watch swan lake.
why you intrigue me, is because i cannot decipher and i cannot reckon where you draw your influence from. outer space, for all i know.
and i want to be less touchy, to you. im sorry, im sorry, im sorry, even if conflict lives only in my mind. because im finding it hard to be true to myself all the time. because because the more i see of humanity, the more i think about humanity, the more it bugs me, hypocriscy or stupidity, pick one or embrace both.
i really do judge people by the music they listen to, the books they will bother to read. and, i know very little people who share my music taste.
which is why, i am wild about the idea of going to australia, where they play stuff on the radio that i actually like, dammit, this is not something that happens to me anymore.