Thursday, January 06, 2005 // 10:06 PM

exuberant

i dont. i dont know what i am trying to do. bring back an old feeling to distract from the present and looming danger, perhaps, or trying to stop it from disappearing completely. some part of passion in me says, i don't want it to disappear completely, i'm sorry that this is not what i've said before.

i really do like pretending. but you're going to need, cast and camera, and then, a time completely separate, from the entire experience of being under scrutiny. things, things they don't really end, i am still ever the age old control freak.

i want to try, though, being something other than exuberant. people say, it is all the harder, i want to make up my mind for myself.

i almost would say, i cannot wait for classes to start, because i want to know what kind of people i'll be dealing with. after a while you get to be bored, of the chemical happiness, all that exuberance. how long can you keep it up, forcibly, how long before you slide back, further than you've ever been before?

did you ever think that you might get a little too happy?

and i'm sorry to sound so artificial, but my dear, this is all the emotion that i have left for you.