Monday, January 24, 2005 // 11:04 PM

how do you spell brani? bryani? one is edible, i know, stop laughing at me already. what the flip feels like to me: jumping up and diving south, your shoulders adamantly keeping you Where You Are, your legs simultaneously stretching over in an arc, in search of floor, filthy sji sponge-pit. i half believe wang when he gives me a thumbs up and tells me that the shit i'm executing is correct. i have a mental image of sean doing one sky-high flawless immaculate, another of him laughing and laughing and laughing at me, for throwing myself off the edge curled up and sideways, what the heck was that? i'm just happy at not having been condemned to back-somers the entire evening, i'm just happy that christl came today, it is not the same as seeing her every week in church. team mates! some how even though we're all wandering in different directions, everything feels so right about being with you guys :)

and we're all booked for valentine's day, half a month in advance. hands off all suitors, even though it seems like everyone is just jumping into pairs. i'm upset because i cannot say that i am anti-bgr any more, i both want to talk about things and dont. some day, i will tell you all about it, you will tell me how obvious i have always been, how stupid and how pathetic, how very much freaking retarded, ella. yes i think it is criminal of me, to laugh at how you have had three weeks when it only took me one. if laughing at myself would make it go away, i would do it in an instant.

some times i feel like i will never be able to completely relate, because i am amazed at your capacity for boredom, my capacity for sitting still, and not moving, some times.