Thursday, January 27, 2005 // 8:04 PM

i am almost certain of you. please because i can't take things loaded, how i know you dont mean a thing to me, is because i would be derisive as a result of it, and not fearful, precocious, immaculate. i absolutely love laughing at you, your brand-new desperation, the terrible mundanity of your facade. hasnt there ever been someone more interesting, that you have wanted to be?

pos'arty; poseur-arty, complete with the ' that i know will charm you to no end. jeannette's term for you, or rather, something i misheard, and liked immediately.

and if i could be anybody, i would be the weird and wonderful kind. at least i know that i'm theatrical, in every sense of the word.

i watched 2046 like you would a silent film, except that yes i can appreciate the elusive soundtrack featured, or just that one song on it, which i really did like. i would like to rent a version with some english subtitles, so that i can like it properly. that is to say, knowing half-nothing of what is going on in the narrative, i already do, of the lurid landscapes and characters arranged half-way into the shadows. every scene is a new picture-postcard.

i realise that by not understanding chinese, i am missing out on this much, this lot. i would have to understand chinese, to have any sort of future shot at the film industry. because, english is the territory of the west, it seems, and you can't express something of your own culture using a foreigner's terms and conditions.

i've been casted as bill for dramafeste, i'm half-expecting another throw-face script. i'm hoping my role is going to be interesting, now that my hopes are up with the knowledge that the males roles are just so much more interesting than the female. i can hear them teasing, the predictability of things, ella the eternal tomboy.

i write in this elaborate manner because i like it, at least right now, and more importantly, becasue i don't care not to.