Thursday, January 27, 2005 // 9:52 PM

im sorry. im sorry in principle, because you don't respect the things that i believe. you dont. and i cant respect you as a person, because you're just so valiantly trying to enforce things on me, it is still ultimately my fault, i know. i dont want to know about things prematurely. i dont want to think, i really dont, i'm nothing like you! i'm nothing like you! can you please, at least, respect that? problems... problems between us run far deeper than what might be apparent, you know that? because you've been bitter forever and you've affected me some how, because you've raised me a certain way and also equally because i take everything for granted. i take everything for granted. im prickly the way you are prickly, no overt displays of affection. no indication of it at all, i am just your investment, your sorry consumption of a failed investment, remember? your love for me has been so completely subtle that it has gone completely over my head, i'm an emotional wreck and i'm blaming you for it. i'm blaming you for it, i'm begging for therapy. im sorry. im really sorry because i dont want to hurt you, but yet at the same time i do, i know exactly how to tear you down. im sorry for being cruel, im sorry for being malicious, im sorry for not caring. if i say, i am sorry for lacking self-restraint, it is not the same as saying, i am sorry and i dont mean all that i said. i cant say that, but i am sorry. for being harsh, for being prickly, for being cutting, scathing, good at hurting. im sorry and i just want for you to be unaffected by the things that i say, the things that i do.