Tuesday, January 25, 2005 // 7:06 PM

take me out of your ball-game, take me out of the playing field. i dont think i could make you understand my aversion to this, i dont think i could make you understand.

i mean it when i say, the bimbos don't know that they're bimbos. they think of sweet valley or american sitcoms, my sarcasm is lost on you. a word for you, masquerading; a word for you, inane.

do i still strike you as cynical? as deranged, as antisocial, as complicating. it doesn't bother me to hear this for the millionth time, it just gets a little. boring, tiring, to be explaining or presenting, for another time in my life. just another shout out from the other side of the fence, hello please remember that we are in no way a minority in the picture. i think of you, and me, and many other people that i know, who probably wouldn't realize that we're on this side of the fence.

some times i say things like, force yourself into my life. i'm sorry, but i have nothing to say to you, you're just one of the least interesting people i know.

i'll create my own sunlight, i'll have cheap thrills on my own. my favourite line of what he said: it's a compliment la, take it, that line and that line only, nothing else i hear is worth repeating. my favourite line from bibiana's script and the only one that really needed rehearsing: do you consider the possibility of marriage despite current sentiments against it because of your incarceration?

i want a happy ending, i want resolution. i want the warm illusion of security, i want the lack of conflict and another strong testimony to idealism. please stop jading me, all i need is initiative in the form of a push in the right direction, i will unravel myself in bitterness and then everything else, please! and i come so close to saying, censor and sanatize! if i will be happy living in a sterile glass bowl, give me that environment.