Saturday, February 05, 2005 // 10:06 PM

i day-dreamed last now that i was thirty and afraid. i imagine only three candles on my cake, and a lot less love than i have right now.

how sad is it that i spent my birthday in a full day rehearsal. thank you sam, and thank you juniors, and thank you all hoonie and peiyi and all you relevant wonderful people :) this is my second year of breaking tradition, i suppose that must go to indicate that tradition doesnt mean anything to me any more. but i am happy because of all of you, i've stopped caring about anything else.

i remember we used to say. how stupid it is to like some one just because they like you, take it a step further, to like some one who has liked you first. i can imagine how you may some day come to hate me, because it seems like i am everywhere, in your best friend's url, forever in his mind. i dont know. you're so startlingly determined to understand me, some times. and yet at the same time im starting to think that you're just becoming... increasingly teh, the more that is revealed to me, about you. i dont want to judge you, i just want to know that i have nothing to do with you at all.

onward nostalgia. looking thru the photos sam gave me, and then those still online, of formal dinner, busking, grad night. i know the coinidence of my class now being a15 has something to do with the loss or replacement. im just thinking. we'll never be the gep the way we were once a gep, and the idea of that just makes me sorry beyond words. friendship and happiness is awardly retrospectively with me. all of a sudden im realising how pretty some of the nanyang-ers, fifteen-ers are/were. and how much fun i have had with you, how close i will probably never be, with hc people, with jc people. if we had a polarised set of ethics, at least we had four years to bash it out amongst us.