Saturday, February 12, 2005 // 11:07 PM

i'm not angry at you, i know your motivation is kindness and concern. i'm sorry for having confused things, for having appeared to have taken things personally. i'm just... unprepared to hear this from you. and sad, sad to the knowledge of how alone i am in this battle of sorts, sad at a reminder, sad to be once further confused.

i was inspired about three minutes ago. three minutes is about the time it takes for me to turn on my computer, log in, close the loitering spyware. i really want a typewriter, but til then, i am probably stupid to think of being anything other than a paper-and-pencil girl.

im heartened by the last runs at dramafeste rehearsal today. because wow we might actually have something, never mind madness, never mind depravity. my throat is slowly starting to go. and everyone goes ooh over bernie's porn collection, i cant dig up a bigger sheesh-frame than this one, right here.

simpsons was on the tv today and i wasn't in front of one.

i just dont want to look back on this and say, ostensible nothing, ostensible nonchalance. i want to say, things are gone, not just dead, things are completely un-there, any more.