Tuesday, March 22, 2005 // 9:15 PM

conversations with you are at best half lucid. i dont want to decide anything about you.

i can't find the essay of mine that starts, music is the name of my father's car. it is times like these which inspire me to be a more organized mess. the worst news of that is that i dont think i can recreate that piece, because it was set in a different mindset, one that i have since lost, since outgrown. if i have any recollection at all of being completely inspired, it was reading the composition topics in that exam hall, the immediacy of picking up my pen and writing those lines. i dont know where they came from, i wouldnt dream of or dare to claim it as my own.

i think i can explain myself with one sentence: i no longer find being called crazy a statement of judgement, there is no longer a good or bad to it that i am araid of. i might put things down to the burst after being beaten down, the glorious i just dont care anymore, sung at the top of my lungs to a garbage song.

i want the peanuts comics, sandman comics! everybody owes me media goodies! well owe is the wrong word, that conveys this sort of idea that i am not insanely grateful, which i am, i am, i am. :D

the only thing i liked about the movie today was scarlett johanson's line: i am cursed with a functional family. i think it has happened, i have become unable to enjoy normal movies, movies like these. seems like i need to come out of the theatre absolutely raving.

im not going to get to sleep early tonight, which translates into that i'm going to be a lot less happy the whole of tomorrow. i should go for coffee in the mornings.