Monday, March 21, 2005 // 8:58 PM

i am a b-grade student, convince me to try, try harder. lack of brilliance could end up being my reason for pursuing a career path that i would really like, thank you very much. one more week to crank out portfolio, or submit Real Works and get packed off to a mental asylum. i really think you might think me crazy, psycho train-wreck of a girl.

yesterday i thought i was going crazy and so i decided to come home and sleep through everything else. i talk like sleep is the antidote, i am afraid no not afraid but i would not like to be crying out for theraphy. pain pills.

painful prolongation of a conversation. i think. i think i should try and be nicer to you. you dont deserve that you put me in a bad mood, or that i am an unlikely misanthropist. i cannot explain myself to you in small words, because the small words that you would understand just do not work. i am not sorry, but i am trying to be sorry. but as much as i dont believe in privacy... im not the kind of girl who easy Shares Her Problems With Others.

some times i think i would like to pick up my half-assed life and fly off to australia or europe. because escapism solves close to nothing, i am not calling it running away though that is probably all that it is. i will go to australia and find xinhui, or dan. having decided to do something normal with my life. now what, now what. to be not bringing away, a piece of you, a piece of the place where you once were, a piece of your history or a piece of Culture that has already become part of you.

or i will go to canada and stalk joyce.