Thursday, March 03, 2005 // 7:43 PM

wow we've gotten to the point. it has taken us sufficiently long, of course long enough. watch my frustration unfurl, i know this is offering you the most charming of intrigue. let me play a victim, or let me try to explain myself. i dont have to care what you think of me, but i either choose to, or dont.

i feel bad, in some moments. for your silence, for this hostility less than invited. mouth off. the things that hurt the most are the ones that are true, the ones controversial, the ones you can't deny, so much as refute. i refuse to let you dictate me, but you can take your self-assuredness and run away with it, it doesn't have to matter to me. you moral standpoint, your social standpoint. i am sorry. because some part of me still has a respect for you, is still intrigued. maybe i just like trading barbs, hooked like a druggie needs his daily od, but this is a dangerous game to be playing, with someone who could possibly come to see a truth. you know what i mean, don't you?

i think of the points that you seem to be racking up. it doesn't count if you're not completely truthful.