Wednesday, April 27, 2005 // 11:54 PM
i have finally met someone who is more self-obsessed than i am.
past one-liners
if i had ever thought i would miss my solitude, this is not how i thought it would have been.
im sick of you. something pervasive, something that makes me feel at once stifled and degraded and self-conscious. this kind of sentiment i can do without.
if i were here to, make you feel better about yourself. find a girl who can take it, give me. something else.
i dream of myself leaping off a building like catwoman, into yet another oblivious night. i want... a freedom nothing can give, a security that will. never run away. you have nothing to do with this, i have spent days with you feeling. obscure, irreverant, irrelevant.
im sorry because im so frequently upset and the people who care about me cant help me. ma said to me today, you dont hear voices, do you, you must tell me if you do.
i want to meet you. because, because i didnt know they diagnosed you Schizo. i want to meet you because you have been violent, you have been abandoned. nothing is right about this picture.
i want to scream in a way my voice will not carry, i want to scratch off this skin and run run away from it, im so tired of this relentless cycle, this once again why-dont-you shiver yourself dry.
i am tired of people, and being transparent just so that i can be used. i dont care for privacy, remember? i would be a loner on this continent or the next, feel free to root through my darkest secrets if this price is right.
i dont need help i dont need. i need. a good night's of rest, uninterrupted hours alone. i wont take your, on-off-company, your second-fiddle sincerity. how can i complain, how can i complain when im the one who reaches for it?
i am so sorry for being ever so neurotic.
-Saturday, October 3 2004.