Wednesday, April 20, 2005 // 5:53 PM

im afraid of some day becoming so immoral or so tolerant or so lacking in restraint that i fail to realise any responsibity, any consideration, for the things that i do. i keep telling myself paint is out and that i shouldnt even be thinking of doing something so permanent destructive.

i need feeling-small music. to go with my cheese sandwiches, haagen daz ice cream. it is a different kind of mood where milk doesnt do anything for me.

i. i want to take myself out of things. i want to trust some one completely. dont leave me high, dont leave me dry. i dont want to talk about why i am feeling sad, i just want. to slowly forget.

but i got an email that read Your friend Krispy Kevin has teamed up with eatfruit.com to remind you to eat fruit, which is funny, even more so because i need funny, right now. i dont need sleep but i want it, i. i always fail to make that distinction, fail to see the great expanse between must-have and plain desire. i am bursting with Plain Desire (but there is nothing plain about it). so much that i feel i would have to choke, violently, to set things right, and that it would never be enough, for all the things i want to be.

i am nothing. this is just in between the forgetting.