Thursday, April 28, 2005 // 7:34 PM

you know. i feel like i'm trying to have some sort of last word with you, and it is. extremely odd. i am forcing the ball into your court and i dont know why, i have no idea what your motivation is for reply. is this conversation going on against both our wills, and if so. what the heck is keeping it alive?

this thinking about thinking thing. im sorry, i've been doing that a lot haven't i. sometimes i keep thinking of how absolutely pointless it all is. you know, the last time i patted myself on the back and said good job ella you've managed to stop thinking so much, ms choo suggested the very opposite and i burst into tears. i'm trying not to think about that, i am sorry but this is classic ella. i dont want to hear about it, give me my right to ignorance!

what cracks me up, is when people say oh you're from Wherever, do you happen to know so-and-so-and-so from the same school? why the heck do people do that, what does it acheive, what does it matter if i do or do not?

and i'm guilty of that too, but only in this thing called Small Talk.