Wednesday, May 11, 2005 // 11:05 PM

im convinced enough to be asking a lot from you. im sorry, this is respect as high as it goes, (its pressure aint it just?) i'm trying to remember that you're human but it's difficult, you're just so unbelievable good at things.

i like you perfectly when we are not forced to smile at each other, i cant take all this canned laughter that is you and me, stuck in a room, forced to say things to each other. there is an artificiality to your face-to-face (and one more painful to mine- do you have a problem with artificiality? it's somewhat of a thing with me) that i cant bring myself to reconcile with. i dont much want to look you in the face, maybe this is the system of things which you have set up so as to function, the way i have my own to keep myself sane. you and me, let's not do this again some time soon.

if i spent less time sleeping (17.5 hours starting monday afternoon) and wasting time online i would probably be a really productive person. oh no even DINGO has done his pi and i have done absolutely nothing.

today has been the perfect training for me: not stuck at the sponge pit all by my lonesome, getting somewhere with my tao, wang in a good mood, milo and time for nothing before an air-conditioned lift home. we circled the track twice and xinyi lapped us like Lady Insane or Lady Obsessed, but the sky is gorgeous and the weather is perfect and i would have liked to have lingered forever, sprawled onto the sji track with perry talking his hyperbolic rubbish and xinyi walking around on her hands.

this is my crash-diet season. i took all three flips to the trampoline today which has left me feeling pretty great but some freaking exhausted. this finally means that i have SOMETHING TO DO DURING TRAINING and that i cant wait to jump again tomorrow, i can't believe i am saying this.

and the sea inside is a really good show, take my word for it.