Tuesday, May 31, 2005 // 12:36 AM

today was gloriously good, gloriously bad. training made me very sad for the thought of how tram standards are going down the drain, it is not my juniors' fault(s) i know but there is just so much desperate work to be done for their taos, i dont even want to think about mine. at least without mine im still fairly sure the hc team will survive, but. sigh. sighsighsighsighsigh. if i had the time i would train with them every single day but time is not something i have, by the looks of it. i have been on my feet since i woke up at eight this morning and it is killing me, if my entire holiday is going to be this packed then i think i am going to collapse before it ends.

dont talk to me about homework, please please please. if aaron is to be believed then everyone is closet-mugging as i speak, but i am determined that aaron is not to be believed. the idea of bringing my books to childrens camp to study is both A)ludicrious and B)not going to work. the thought of work psychologically speaking could ruin the entire holiday for me, just the knowledge that i will eventually have to return to it makes me unable to relax. relaxation for me comes in the sheer oblivion of responsibility, the ignorance of a day when it will come to an end. hello glorious abandon pledge your eternal loyalty and i will my absolute happiness. even what ma calls playing hard does not completely fit the bill, what happened to all my free time? what happened to waking up at noon, chatting online til three? what happened to lazing around at home, making my decisions for the day on the day itself? what happened to just hanging around with people and nothing to do, what happened to my frisbee games, my soccer trainings? my bike rides and night time swim sessions? what happened to all the plays and productions and movies that i have been dying to catch (MEDIA!), and all the cups of coffee we were supposed to sip on lazy afternoons? im a lazy person, if you have not noticed, give me my abandonment. this holiday is not going in the right direction (of absolute nothingness) and that is enough to make me exceedingly unhappy.

and i have decided to spend my first hundred of scholarship money on peanuts comics, because they make me extremely happy, in a strange, sad, understated sort of way. walking around far east did nothing for me, i can not be decided by the clothes that i wear but very possibly, the media that i pursue. ultimately a media junkie, will spend copious amounts of money-that-i-dont-have on media glorious media that i doubt i even have the time to consume.