Thursday, June 30, 2005 // 10:19 PM

my talk and my carting my books around make it seem like i've been doing a lot of studying. hurhurhur. it feels like blocks are all over, but maybe because i was never really uptomythroat about it (excluding a phonecall with sam last night), it doesnt much feel like catharsis. im not sure if i can imagine going back to what things were before the june hols. Me In School. mundane. im fine with school, it's just that. i am happy a lot of other places i'd rather be. i could be made happier doing a million other things. playing the piano, reading, media consumption. i cant remember the last time i read a full legitimate book. and id rather be hanging out with People, not that i dont have some pretty cool classmates. we are a strange together, we are not a motley crew. im not very close to my classmates, though things are easy enough; six months isnt much long to know someone when someone is just another one in a group. i cant really do that, all the really good conversations i have dont involve numbers bigger than three. all the best conversations i've had involve two. i can only think of two such i've had in the last year. i. i'm guilty of filling the silence sometimes, with my hyperbole, raucous laughter.

i wouldnt want to work so hard. not perpetually, not all the time. sometimes i think, it's harder to sit in silence with someone, without feeling the need to run out of the room.

met sean for so-called dinner because it sounded more appealing than math, and i realise i havent been spending much time with Teammates/Trainingmates this june. androgynous hottie on the bus. sean will buy me flowers for competition whether i compete or not, i suppose tomorrow i will know. i am Afraid for competition and this is an alien sensation, because i havent actually been afraid afraid for competition before. only stressed, determined, i am always determined with competition. i slipped up twice on the trampoline today and i dont know how to take being told to relax. im not sure if i can understand what that implicates.

i tried to make a list of Normal People I Know, and there really aren't all too many.