1) i know i had a good day, involving lots of Happy Hormones (jamimah! or however you spell it)
2) i dont actually feel like shit right now, being clean, awake on my own account, with people to talk to
but
1) once i start deprecating myself, it goes on for a long long time, and that's what's been going on all evening 1a) im too self-indulgent 1b) im walking weakness 1c) im freaking OBNOXIOUS 1ci) im obsessively anti-stupid, which is like saying i dont want to be human
2) i still feel like shit, the distant but impending kind of feel-like-shit, not completely Not Because Of work but not completely limited to that.
and
i really think i should stop thinking so much, pause and hold back your laughter because i've never really thought so, or i have, but you know how i just keep fooling myself again and again and again, feeling stupid and unable to accept stupidity.
i really think i should stop thinking so much.
askew, you
_______________
(giddy dreaming and amends-making and deprecating and feel-good wanting)
(i have made myself ea$ier to plea$e)
-a powerful moutain bike :(
-a pint of bailey's irish
-james; calvin and hobbbes comics
-a true chocolate eclair
-peanuts comics, foxtrot comics
-pearls before swine comics
just give me some good-feeling
-take music seriously
-dance
-(sincere) hugs, often
-less impersonal people to talk to
-honest and self-honest people to talk to
-a regular dose of live music
-to wander around cities in a foreign land
-giggling silliness
-gorgeous landscapes
