Friday, July 22, 2005 // 4:08 AM

hello four am: you are cool, and smell of coffee and complete quietness. an early yearning for breakfast. one could do cartwheels across the highway at this time of the night, one could run around the neighbourhood stark naked and you wouldnt bat an eye.

and im amazed i still have people to talk to online even at four am. this is not the-day-before-history-essay-is-due, and even if it was i would still be the last one up, rushing work til it comes bleeding out of my ears. unless, unless i learn my lesson and start a little earlier than Four Days Before Deadline. i dont feel the lethargy yet but sometime tomorrow, i will. if crabbiness descends upon me sometime tommorrow i will be sorely displeased. i will retreat to the sickbay and crawl under the covers.

hello i was/am the girl sitting in the last few rows with my fingers in my ears going dont tell me about it, dont tell me about it. if the side effect involves thinking i have the answers to all the world, i dont want to be here. but. but i have an academic inside me. i have an academic inside me that keeps me up all night writing a paper on colloquial lingustic bla-blah-something-or-other, that will not let me fake my surveys for the burning need to find out what it is, exactly, that people think. that keeps me tapping away academic jargon, that needs to explain why every last thing is happening, this phenomena this phenomena this phenomena. thisphenomena. i'll get a chokehold on you yet.

my grammar is breaking down. it is not the fault of the last four hours i have spent typing typing typing typing typing typing. my grammar is fractured, what has fractured it? comic books and quaint music, poetic license. i dont think i could be correct if i tried. a word in the sentence trips me up and i cant tell what it is. concentrate, con-cen-trate. orangejuiceconcentrate. hello hunger, hello my closest brush with starvation. in my mollycoddled cotton wool, my cotton world. im not complaining, really im not, really im not. but shove me off the deep end, let's see if i could survive. let's see if any of us could survive: a war, a bomb blast, a life on the streets. what do you know about pain and misery, you disgust me, i. i disgust me.

more caffeine, my keffeine. kantaketehinterlektialproses.