Thursday, July 07, 2005 // 12:53 AM

i got kicked out of the comp team today, i cant decide whether or not it helps that it was on a technicality. i'm not sad anymore, at the end of the day it's not very big a deal at all. i didnt realise it til the words came out of my mouth, but competing really isnt the main thing, and competition isnt the main course of my gym career. it's the training process, it's the entire month of june; it's zixi who seems more bitter about my not competing than i am, who shed the tears i didnt realise i should have cried, it's xinyi saying nothing but eyes clouded over in concern. i dont have that burst of sadness that translates into tears like jiayee or peixi, i think im really okay with my backing out. i refuse to make a big deal out of it because i would rather be the victim and not the victimiser when it comes to politics, because i look at certain other teams and what goes on and i cant bring myself to stoop to that kind of level.