Monday, August 15, 2005 // 11:46 PM

hello nanyang geps, i love you guys very much.i wonder if i will love the hc people in the same fashion, after our time together is up. i think it will be different, somehow secondary school is when you do all the stupid things, without fearing any sort of reprove. or maybe, maybe i can put it down to humanz culture, how very one sided we are. gep at least gep was diverse, at least in gep i felt like i was a significant part of the scenery, because we all are, we all are.

you know. i wonder how anyone has any relationship at all, it just seems like. like they're so hard to keep up, so unlikely and so impossible, and yet, yet we're all sitting around wanting it so much. i just know this can't be all there is to it, but really, really that's all i see right now.

you know, you know. i really don't know what it is that i want, right now.

dennis might just be the most perceptive person i know. perhaps i have gone past being critical, have started to believe everything that is said. i do that with people, so maybe, maybe i've done that with you. damn, really, how transparent do i feel, right now. how remarkably human, how remarkably normal. normal, i feel normal, i feel like just another girl, going crazy the way it is that girls do.

i like this feeling, and so im glad i got to talk to you at least that once, before you leave.

good feelings, i like them, loads of them please and thank you very much. if i had all the time in the world i would talk to people all day, i would spend my evenings or my nights up on my roof, watching clouds, watching the neighbourhood slowly slump into night time. hello holidays i want you right now, holidays that aren't so crammed as to force the Doing Nothing out of my schedule. i don't forsee myself being this free til after the a's. im back to not caring about school, not caring about academics. dennis said i'm not an intellectual though at first he thought i was, because i don't want to discuss ideas, find out about truth, which is true really, i can't bring myself to be fully convinced that any truth really exists, in this messed up world of ours. man i dont feel like having this conversation again, i think i've come to realise what makes me happy and what doesnt, this, this is one of the latter.

hello People. people make me very happy right now.