Tuesday, August 30, 2005 // 8:32 PM

i don't know, i don't know what to say. i know what dysfunction means, dysfunction is the problem that you can't put the finger on, the one that is difficult to exhume, the problem that is the person that is the problem that is the fundamental essence that is the problem that is the basis that is the norm that is the problem. nothing dramatic, nothing i can't take, having lived with the system for seventeen years, water over the duck's back, but a slow and rising panic: i don't want to be here. i don't want this to be catching, i don't want to grow up and be dysfunctional forever. hello. hello these dinner-time outbursts are less worrying than the stony cordiality of tolerance. i don't know what to say, we have relativity, we have hypocriscy, we have humanity, on our hands. oh no, oh no i can't take it, i want out, i want out of this dysfunctionality, i want out of the twenty-first century, i want out of life, help. i can't help seeing in you the face of myself, i can't help feeling that overarching hopelessness, that This Is The Rest Of My Life.

some days. some days i just want to walk out of these doors.