Friday, August 12, 2005 // 12:19 AM

i dont want to explain. you, look through my mind, flip through the pages of my history. tell me things for yourself. im too tired to do the doctoring, you're going to affect me, you're going to affect me i know. i am the person of your making, please. please be careful with my mind. this, this is power baby, wield it in your hands.

kevin says. kevin says i am normal, kevin says. wait give me a minute to chew it over, give me a minute to let myself try and believe. kevin says, fragile, maybe, but not weak. kevin. kevin what have you known of me, i mean this with little malice, only regret. don't you know why this is insufficient, don't you see you only see the bits of me which i choose to reveal. not consciously, of course, you know how much i like talking to you.

honestly. honestly, im sorry, im sorry. im sorry. i can't help regretting every single thing i have ever done, a minute later i will stand behind it and challenge you for putting down my past. i. i have a head full of beliefs, i have dashed it against the hardest kind of rock. what am i saying what am i saying, you know i will regret this. really. really i am stable. really i've been better lately, the best i've ever known. really i know, i am freaking over nothing, really i know. these trembling hands are my own doing, my own mind scraping itself on the wall. trying to bleed, trying to bleed or else.

melodramatics. i have no time for.