Sunday, September 04, 2005 // 1:21 AM

break me. hello, during the budak gig i thought of You and a Previous Me and how we are so. were so. i don't know. you liked the dramatics of things, didn't you. something to boast to your basketball buddies about.

i did not ask for this, this starring role. i wanted to be stoical, by the way, i wanted to preserve my dignity but i couldn't i couldn't i couldn't open my mouth to say no. and so. and so that's that, and so i have lost firsts, seconds, thirds, thousandths. how sick of myself do i feel right now, my skin crawls to be part of me, to have participated. so much for my self-respect, and so much for being unmoved, because you have no idea how much it hurt, that long time ago, to stop seeing you.

and so, so things have gone on and so. of course i have come to way past Over You. who cares man, i really really don't. about you. i just wish i hadn't been that girl i used to be, that previous me. take every last inch back, perhaps i wouldn't feel so endlessly jaded, so wholly. unprecious.

and now. now i can't help myself, i want to. i feel nothing, i wish you felt nothing, so that. i don't know.

i dont think i can take any more artificiality.