Wednesday, September 14, 2005 // 12:19 AM

i like, this moment. sitting here under a cloudless sky, everyone else indoors, playing with warm wax and talking about nothing, everything. how endlessly mellow do i feel right now, sam says, this is almost a perfect peace. school feels a million miles away.

i want to play the piano like clarence ding.

sometimes i think. sometimes i wish i could. shut my head off, i don't know. seems i can't be frivolous anymore, gee i know this is not true, or rather. i wasn't always like this, strangeness. i dont really like the idea that im perpetually making people think, it's nothing deliberate, and at the same time. i can't possibly be expected to be someone who i'm not, can i?

and what can i do about a self obsession. i do know that i think too much sometimes, i, i need to stop. i need to cut the cord and not indulge myself, i need to. jump off the bandwagon. lady you can do it, lady it's only something that lives and breathes in your own mind.

everyone's leaving, and that makes me sad.