Thursday, September 01, 2005 // 2:52 AM
incoherent
fong just leant over the table at me and said: you're a real person.
no i lied, that was a few hours ago, when fong was still awake, but now she's not, she's asleep like a normal person ought be, i'm up and highly strung on some very good coffee, i am not looking forward to tomorrow.
i am, however, looking forward to getting this history essay done. this was complete suicide, to wait for two days before, to do no research at all, oh well, i am asking for bad grade. im irritated at myself but not about to care right now, it is 3 am, after all, not exactly my most motivated hour. damn. damn i wish i had discipline, damn i wish i was a Balanced Person, despite how (masochistically) fun this is, in a strange, strange way, these heady extremes.
i am, also, looking forward to the holidays, yes please, but i know it's not going to be anything fantastic, what with promos looming over my head. oh no, i'm still not panicking, i'm panicking-not-quite about my not-quite-panicking, trying to psyche myself up into feeling something. not working, because i feel like i am on some glorious holiday, strolling hawaii's beaches with fong or something.
let me say something by way of explanation: i'm sitting here with a laptop in some suite at raffles hotel, (the colonial building one, where there are noting but suites,) because ma's company gave her two nights free stay (voiceover, barnard, think, mine students, mine economists. fong tagged along, which explains why she is in the picture. by the way, raffles hotel has some killer black coffee if you're looking for caffeine content, i swear i think i might really be up all night and all day and then all night again. but anyway, anyway. so this feels like a holiday, raffles city is two metres away, i'd very much rather be shopping right now, okay not right now right now, but. oh man. yes you know what i mean.
you can tell how much caffeine there is in my blood now, can't ya. canchacanchacancha? caffeine, caffeine and procrastination, i can keep this up til sunrise.
so anyway. raffles hotel is a semi-gorgeous place, less gorgeous for how i'd rather be by the sea, looking out onto the water, with lights shimmering, waves crashing, that kinda thing. not on this island of course, i'd be lucky to get knee high waves in this kinda weather. anyway. there's this wicker chair outside my door that i'd much rather be working at right now, cept for the lack of power ports and my paranoid fear of the supernatural, alone and at this kind of hour. but its an evening kind of gorgeousness, all these damn tropical plants around you and somewhere in the distance the sound of all that city traffic. the smell of grilled seafood and money, and all these funny little tourists walking around. in bathrobes, grinning. cracks me up, really, how i'd like to be on a holiday right now. let's skip forward to the end of the year, with the million things that i want to do, let's skip forward til after the a's, hello gorgeous i want you very much.
i apologize. caffeine, you know how (extra) neurotic it makes a person. damn this essay has ground to a standstill.