Wednesday, September 07, 2005 // 11:30 PM

okay
everyone's telling me
stuff i need to hear
hello God, i think i hear You. i hear You, i think. i think i can break out of this, i think i can. start being honest with myself. i think. i think i can start to believe this whole thing about being normal, about. about all of this being. ordinary life.
damn i need to. learn how to take stress i need to. stop being someone, stop feeling this need to be. someone im not, something im not. something im no longer. freak it.
i need, i dont need. i need to rely not on myself. this thing called faith, this thing called trust. hello, hello God. You should have some sort of idea how difficult it is for me to trust in You. so, so God. so help me, can't even. can't even be properly convinced, without Your help.
hello, ella. stop saying to Yourself, screwed up, screwed up. somebody. somebody smack me in the face the next time i start. talking like that, thinking like that.
stop. for lack of a better word. being kitsch.

so thank you
grace
cheng hui
serene
brandon
marvin
shu may
matthew

ella needs to grow up.