Sunday, September 18, 2005 // 10:13 PM

what made today:

1) the gorgeous crashing storm in the morning, me standing on the brink of it, in christl's jacket. looking up at the airport control tower, feeling endlessly small.

2) playing the piano and talking to God about daryl and daryl leaving and all my Afraid-ness and Excited-ness and Mixed Emotion-ness for him, all my not knowing what to feel, all the i wish i had talked to you more when you were still around, funeral-esque, the sporadic bouts of tearing crying we've been having throughout the day. some of us, anyway.

(but i still don't know what i feel about daryl leaving, daryl being gone. have gone numb in the wake of his purposeful absence, trying so very hard to calm sarah down, i've cut my own emotion off half way and now i am. sigh, oh well.)

3) sitting at the field watching the frisbee game, the soccer game, because you felt so gloriously carefree. zhixian being so nice as to offer me a lift home despite its not being in any sense convenience.

4) sebbie, sebbie ever so docile carrying my bag during lunch and folding chilipacket boats. the combination sebbie-jeannette lunch company, hurhurhur.

this is so. me sitting around feeling all good, the indulgence past. i should be working or asleep, and i can't get over how useless i have been, i have the Two Weeks Before Promos panic but not the Two Weeks Before Promos studying. all this running around all day and not sleeping and et cetera et cetera et cetera. i am going to be regretting this, maybe, sometime very soon.

and i'm also so exhausted that i don't even feel it anymore.