Sunday, October 23, 2005 // 11:03 PM

here i am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded

one day. one day i am going to wake up, and all the things that concern me ever so much right now. they're going to mean chicken shit. all the ideas in my mind, of What Things Are, What Things Are Supposed To Be. i'm going to be able to better recognize my present self for my childishness. already my eyes are starting to half-open, and. ella. why the heck do you do the things that you do. you are a person a mind a collection of ideas, a patchwork of influences. what inhibits you, what influences you. what makes you. spend your time and your money a certain way. subscribe to a certain set of ideas, feel, want, get uptight. want, some days i want something more than anything else, and the next day i wake up and discover the feeling completely dead. because. because want is a feeling, is it not? and feelings, feelings. how completely unreliable you have been.

what the heck is important to you. and what's important, anyway, is it something that you can't live without? i could be. anything at all, anyone at all. all i need is a little psychoing, sometimes. sometimes by myself.