Tuesday, October 25, 2005 // 8:36 PM

i like the hanging out. any day, please.

i have no idea what i want to do for university, i have no idea where i want to go, what country. help, help. i know this exercise is meant to make us start thinking now, so we can decide soon and time the university applications et cetera et cetera et cetera, and so i shouldn't ignore it, shouldn't shut it out, as much as the panic tells me to. help. how to decide, how to possibly decide, in my state of knowing nothing? throw out three subjects, uh uh uh okay let's say flower arrangement lit psych socio. um, um let's think about, sps, law; let's dream about, theatre. US of A, as opposed to UK, for my being able to put off this decision for another 4 more years, a point negated if i'm going to sign in blood on the dotted line and get the government to pay for my education. so, so what if it is as in my wildest nightmares, the endless party culture, the pointlessness of things, the childishness of the company keeping. US of A because i fear the being bored, wrecklessly bored out of my mind, and UK, too, for the exact same reason. UK doesn't mean that i'm going to be spending all of my time in the library, i am excited as well as terrified (in more directions than one) at the prospect of opening my eyes.

and s lit sounds like i'd either be insanely good or insanely bad at it. the amorphousness of things, the sheer volume of (mindful) reading involved bowls me over.