Saturday, October 22, 2005 // 11:32 PM

i want to stop being so completely childish.

i'm so deprecating. i'm sorry. if you were looking for encouragement, you certainly caught me in the wrong mood.

i'm. really really grateful for grace lim. for her taking the initiative to talk to me, and for being someone who understands at least that side of me. the only person who did, otherwise, would be daryl, or perhaps grace yan, who are both too physically and socially distant.

i. sometimes i feel like jumping ship. you know this is hopeless, this just dumb, this is. me. wanting to jump out of myself, again, leave myself behind. sometimes, sometimes i do believe that if you pretend hard enough at something, it will turn into reality. that if you ignore something hard enough, it will cease to exist.

i blame myself. this time.