Monday, October 03, 2005 // 12:52 AM

i've come to a strange sense of peace, about the promos. God, hello God. friends are the one evidence in the world that You want me to be happy.

i'm going to do it, i'm going to be More Balanced with my studying. uh, next time, i know this sounds like one of those lessons you never learn. i don't want to do this again, because newly, i can't let myself get so completely absorbed in my work anymore, so much so that God falls off my radar. it's not that it's been spectacularly painful, or at least, not yet. but. but i think i can do it, i think. this can't be that impossible.

i think i know what matters to me, for how direction-less i sometimes feel. but i think i've gotten past the this-doesnt-matter-so-why-am-i-studying stage, maybe i've come to accept it. i think i could let it go, this whole doing badly for promos, i think i could live through anything. i don't think i'll require some high flying job in the future, i don't think i would be happy in those kind of shoes. what do i want, something simple i suppose, some place simple. i'd like to continue to pressure-less existance forever. i'd like to have my sunday afternoon frisbee games forever, even though i don't like the sport all too much, just the sitting there, just the happiness it gives me. things like that, things like gorgeous evening skies, things like good conversations, things like children when they decide to be nice. things like jamming with a bunch of people who can play about five chords each on the guitar, things like talking to God, talking about God. i only liked today because it ended on a good note, talking to sam kwanie, talking to sam sim, deciding that things don't matter. eating strawberries with milk. ma offering to read the entire chapter of wage differentials and give me a crash course in the morning, hurhurhurhurhur. the funniest thing.

i can't believe how perfect i feel despite promos tomorrow.