Thursday, October 20, 2005 // 12:01 PM

there is no point pretending that i have learnt my lesson, i have not. for convenience, i would fake it, if i thought it would get you out of my hair, but then you are hardly and event to me anymore. sigh. i'm not bothered about myself anymore, at least right now, i can't muster up the will to care about the kind of person i am becoming.

well you should know, i'm not just the rabid tomboy you first saw.

i miss the mundanely good conversations. walking home with dennis (the i-don't-know conversation), sitting around with sebbie (the whywhywhywhywhy conversations), hanging out with terence (the hahastuuuupid conversations). times when i could think about something other than myself, when talking about myself didn't feel like poison. i'm not sure if i still know how to talk to people but i'd like to try. and gee, gee i can't remember the last time i really talked to anyone, you'd think i'd have the time, now that promos are over.

i want to go out, jeannette has made me want to shop again. i want more media to media-consume, i want to. play a lot of piano. i think i shall, today, drop off at church to pick up my scores and talk to terence and play the sanctuary grand. i miss the dumbness, i miss the do-nothing-ness. i miss the wind and the blue skies and the three storey view. i don't think i ever want to give these things up.

where is everybody.