Friday, November 11, 2005 // 11:49 AM

everybody give me music!

hello song, you are making me very sad, in a wistful, wishful, bittersweet kind of way.

i want to be able to make music like that. music, it is a strange thing, it is an extra limb, an extra language, and i want to speak it fluently, beautifully; i have no idea where to start. to sit at the piano and bang things into shape on my own. i think i need to listen more, everyone send me good instrumental music! kinyip analysed my playing today, which was some mighty interesting, to realise how insecure i feel about having my hands too far apart on the piano, about having someone else in the room. i only realised the last one when he said it, the words, the because i'm here?, but, but. for the life of me i couldn't do it. sigh.

and i don't want to play like clarence ding, i know that now. not exactly like him, i am not that comfortable with being overtly emotional (kitsch moments do not count), at least not with piano, at least not yet, argh. i really want to be better, at this, i want to break out of my own mediocrity, there was a peak in my playing, in my musical sense (for lack of better words) that for the life of me i just can't get back. and this, this is a lousy feeling :( ella shall spend more quality time with the sanctuary piano, in attempt to rectify this problem.

my coherence only turned itself on around noon, in time for conversation with brandon, conversation with elgina and hweebing; that is, not in time for oral presentation, which demanded me out of bed at six forty five, a time of the morning that i have not seen for muchly long.

i introduced my scissors-paper-stone decision making model to my family, and mike and ma are washing up instead of me :)