Saturday, November 12, 2005 // 12:59 AM

man! i just had this huge urge to read some poetry and i can't find my Poems Deep And Dangerous. the only others i have at my disposal are Ariel and something made of primary school, and it is insufficient :( i want to buy a good poetry anthology, something that i would feel human to read, as opposed to Poseur Arty Farty.

right now i want to be up on the roof garden, looking out into the sky. i want it to be nine and not one am, because time-wise i've come past a point where i can fully appreciate gorgeousness, except for dimly, like through blurred vision or the inside of a fish bowl.

and i wish i still had my old bike, which was. hello effortless. i would cycle out of my neighbourhood even at this time, if i thought my bike could make it worth my while, happiness-wise. i like that slope near upper pierce, the big u in the road, where you go down screaming and don't have to exert any effort to get out of, because it's shaped like a giant-sized hole in the road.

and i wish for live music, and that. that i had nothing else in my life to occupy me except music. because then maybe i could be single-minded about it, because then i could spend all my time trying to feel beautiful in the one way i care about, right now.

and while i'm at it, i wish i had a dog, because a dog would love me outwardly and unconditionally, or maybe because a dog would be too stupid to know what a bitch disgusting person i am and therefore would be unable to intelligently love me less for it, and i wouldn't be able to blame said dog for being too stupid to know what a disgusting person i am because it is a dog anyway, and therefore, i wouldn't be able to find a good enough justification for cruelty, or a good enough reason to beat down the compulsion to love it in return, as i do, sometimes, when people let me realise that i am loved.

i want to see huiwen sometime soon, even though i hardly said two words to her back in nanyang, she seems like an interesting girl, or at very least she sends me good music, and i appreciate it muchly muchly. marvin sent me one heck of a gorgeous song and so i shall go to sleep happy.