Saturday, December 03, 2005 // 12:41 AM

so i'm going to aussieland, after all, what the heck am i doing. it's sunken in, finally, and i'm starting to panic, to suffocate, at the thought of it all. i need to relax and i don't see this happening.

i don't think i'm going to get to play some solid piano for quite a while more to go, in the near future, this, this makes me sad. i need chill out time, i am going crazy RAWR, i can't believe i'm stressed, i'm stressed yes and i'm also very bitter about how my busy-ness is going to screw me up, sooner or later. i am flotsam, jetsam, waiting to happen, but i. freak i don't know what to do about this. i can't just drop things like a hot potato.

the flood of emotions, i don't know what to do about it some times. knock it off, block it out, subscribe, subscribe, to this raucous, mindless laughter? i need, i need to stop myself before i become something i completely cannot respect. i want out, all over again, i'm trying so very hard to think of good reasons to stay. do you and i see it the same way? i think about it everyday.

panic, future, did you realise. this has been seventeeen, and you will. never ever see it again?