Thursday, January 12, 2006 // 4:09 AM

honesty: i've lost you again, and the realisation half dulls and half frustrates me, for its inevitabilty. maybe i am asking too much too perpetually, how many people do you know are capable of being honest with themselves, consistently, anyway? consistency, you are a new word, i don't know whether i believe in your possbility, or not.

fong's come to realise that for all my mental activity, for all my saying things, i don't actually think very much at all. it's the same as the just because he's talking doesn't mean he's thinking, i really do believe that, i'm not really surprised to find myself in these shoes. i keep doing this, i keep coming up with words and words and words trying to find a basis for myself, a reason to why the heck i think and act the way i do. i think i should be less of a mystery, puzzle, confusement, to myself.

there's a line that can be drawn and it is somewhere, i need to find it, and grace and her idea of writing less is a new one, to me, how very counter-intuitive. there is fine line between therapy and self-indulgence.