Sunday, January 15, 2006 // 12:53 AM

how stupid is that

the pencil i accidentally dropped into the sanctuary grand piano has now gotten the g and f# notes stuck together. firstly i feel horrible for screwing up the best piano in the entire church for the other pianists, and secondly i think i'm in trouble for tomorrow, when i actually have to play, and everything is going to sound wrong because g and f# aren't even in the same key for all the keys im playing in (and most keys, actually). i just spent an hour trying to figure out how to play all 5 of my songs for tomorrow without touching either the g or f# key. HOW STUPID IS THAT. i cant believe this. i don't know what grace/tim/lois are going to say when i tell them about this, tomorrow, i think i should, because i'm just so afraid that something in the piano is going to snap, sometime soon before they can fix the problem, and that that something that snaps is not going to be the pencil. i think i might stick a sign up on the piano tomorrow to at least notify all other pianists and hopefully get everyone to avoid those two keys as much as possible until someone can get the stupid pencil fished out. ARGH.

i'm really pissed off with myself. because i screwed up a piano, a really vital one and a gorgeous one at that, i feel like i've violated it. like the carvings on the piano in #206, everytime i see it i just feel so pissed off. there's come to be something absolutely sacred about the piano, for me, so things like banging the lid shut, playing with sticky fingers, dropping stupid shit into the piano is just about sacrilegous. i can't believe this ARGH. dakfhjkldgjkhdagjkl.

i've been getting angry a lot lately, these days. i lost it for a second during worship last now and yelled at someone who did not deserve to be yelled at to turn on the lights. and i'm irritated at myself, i'm irritated at myself for getting pissed off at jo in math that day and i think one think i've realised however is that once you let yourself go and give into anger for the first time in a while (it has been a while), it becomes easier to slip up again and again and again. and how to control my own temper now, help.

i also realise, irritation is anger's infant brother, and this is not the way to deal with myself. oh no.

sigh. this is going to be a horrible day.