Friday, March 17, 2006 // 11:42 PM

this last week.

has left me tired. i really am tired. i realise, i'm somehow very Play Hard. ma used to say this about me all the time, that i was Work Hard Play Hard. but you know i don't know why i do this at all. i don't think i'd even go so far as to say i want to. i don't think i've been very work hard this week at all. sigh. i haven't started on math, haven't started on econs, haven't started on history. lit is unseen, and might therefore be the only thing i am able to do. muahahah. while typing that sentence i realised. i haven't started studying for blocks yet. well done ella. i don't know what the heck i am doing. urm. talking to people. i think i've talked to marvin more this week than i have in my entire life. okay that's not true. but face to face is a different kind of ballgame all togheter. i've also. strained my arm at badminton, taken one gorgeous nightmare of a dance lesson. i feel like i've been running all over the place, and now the week has drawn to a close and i feel like. like i really do need another holiday.

it's like i'm not capable of sitting still, of taking a break. geez. i don't know what's wrong with me, i want so, so badly to sit still. and yet give me a whole solid week without school and really this is what i do. priceless. do i ask for a nervous breakdown or what.

i think the next time i have a holiday, i should impose solitary confinement on myself for at least a day. a day to do absolutely nothing. to bum around. i didn't really have spectacular plans this week, a week is not long enough for spectacular plans, anyway. but somehow time just kept getting snapped up, activity after activity after activity. sunday and monday really got me into the holiday mood, huh. walking three stations, sitting around talking like we had all the time in the world. well we did have all the time in the world. all the time to sit and talk and sing stupid songs into the night sky. the start of things came and went and all of a sudden. i'm looking school in the eye once again.

sigh. i want to lie in a dark room. with something soothing playing on the radio.

i feel like. like i've put on a holiday self, and now, i'm having to take it off again. i think my holiday self was a good thing, at least for sunday, and monday, and maybe tuesday. i already cant remember what i did on tuesday. the early holiday self is a much more pleasant person than i'll ever be, actually. she's a lot less moody and a lot more willing to be nice about things. to be accomodating. but there's been too much holiday self and now i feel like i've been stuffed into a bottle. maybe it is a combination of things. maybe it is a combination of listening to dennis's largely cheesy music for a week, that plus the company of girly girls (i'm only acknowledging a difference, not a value judgement), plus the cutoff from people i usually hang out with. i haven't seen fong since i stopped by her house with marvin and kinyip on monday night and forgot to ask for kinyip's ipod back.

i think the next ten days or so are going to be complete chaos. tomorrow i have to play the piano like a madwoman in order to be some sort of ready to play on sunday. i can feel how close i am to burning out, really. id just like an hour or so, to play piano for fun, again. today i felt like shit for about half an hour (and i wasn't being an angsty baby. i really do have huge issue worries to think about, that haven't gone away) and i think i helped myself by disappearing to play the piano and talk to God. hello God. my eyes have been so close to the ground that i haven't been able to see anything else.

and everyone should go read the comic pearls before swine. by stephan pastis. because he is funny.