Monday, May 29, 2006 // 2:05 AM

up-tight

sigh. i don't have the time to study this holiday, it's only been the first weekend and already i can feel craziness kicking in. sigh. it's not just the discipline to study, it's the discipline to stop doing all these million and one things that are going to take me away from studying. somewhere in the back of my mind i know i am asking for it, geez. i need a study buddy, to chain me down, to make me sit still.

but my week has already been booked, every single day. oh shit. week one out of two that i have to study, oh my goodness. four weeks is incredibly short enough a time, and two weeks is. is.

i need to sit still, i want to sit still. to take a day out and do something completely therapeutic. because play hard is an incredibly tiring way to be, probably more so than work hard, because even after play hard, the work remains and begs to be done. i have so much work to do i can feel a panic rising just listing them out, for history alone the sheer amount of research and writing is just massive, i want to. die. sigh. sarabelle said to me, i think there's no point panicking about it if you don't do anything, and so, and so. i will not panic. or rather i will not give into the hysterical noise of panic, or i will try, at least. tomorrow when i can think straight enough i shall make some sort of study plan, to keep myself in line.

don't die on me ella. i don't deserve a break and yet i think if i don't take one, i just might fall to pieces.