Friday, June 30, 2006 // 12:50 AM

i actually had something to say, but no time to say it. i'm looking forward to weekend because it is free, i am free. ella will read a great lot of margaret atwood, carol ann duffy.

am i quiet. this nervousness excites all this random laughter, talking, talking. stupid things throw me off balance, i would like to say: i am not myself. would you want me when i'm not myself? when at the end of the day, i'm hardly ever myself, anyway, and myself is this random girl with whom i am hardly acquainted. grab hold of it, ella, with two hands, grab hold and don't let go, because so much depends on it, all your security. that's really stupid, sometimes, because it is the willingness to let go that makes me feel ever my most free.

uncle ho says:
do you happen to have a white and lavender dress you could lend me daryl?
Daryl Yap says:
I have a couple of pairs of male briefs on coat hangers that I am more than willing to lend you.

i miss talking to sebbie. run away, ella, into what you don't really have, anyway.

goodnight.