Saturday, June 24, 2006 // 12:16 AM

there's only one thing i actually really really want, right now: i want to talk to you. to really talk to you, as opposed to, oh well, you know. you know what i mean.

actually, that's overly dramatic and a little further from the truth than this: you wouldn't make me perfectly happy now. there are a lot of things i want, actually, or want is strong: there are a lot of thing i'd like. i'd like to play some piano, i'd like to sit around looking at the sky (again). i'd like to dance (lyrical, not street). i'd like to sleep. but the difference between want and i'd like that is that with i'd like that, i'm perfectly complete without you. and that is true, of me: i am complete without you.

i'd also like home cooked food. i haven't seen home cooked food in weeks, literally. today i walked into the food court and really didn't want to eat anything at all. i haven't derived enjoyment from food, lately. ma bought xinyi, fong and me lunch at crystal jade today and it's the best thing i've eaten in at least three weeks. i'm talking to kwanie about these chinese soups boiled all day and i'm feeling mighty hungry, right now.

running for the bus last now, i yelled out what's the meaning of life! somewhere in between run, forrest, run! and something else. hohoho, because that was fun, and i think i am stressed, because i have been high, nervous, theatrical, gurgling with the silliest kind of mirth.

things about today that made me happy
-talking to grace in the sanctuary today. her conclusion that i am human, i wasn't aware that my blog-self didn't sound human. maybe this is just what human is like for me, periods of time being stuck in some box. i am stable right now. everyday i say it and everyday i really am thankful, because in exact same circumstances i might not be, and at least right now, i'm acutely aware of that.
-talking with xinyi up on the roof. and kinyip, later, all that rubbish, watching lightning flash all over the sky. the laughter gets to me, the laughter is really just what i need.
-making ma happy by bringing my friends out to have lunch with her.

and i realise something said about comfort zone. more and more i'm comfortable hanging out with the people i've been with in the last few days: terence, fong, xinyi, marcus, joel, christl, job, charles, justin. so slide in and slide out, the little world marked out by the roof garden walls. sweet dreams til sunbeams find you.