Sunday, July 09, 2006 // 12:02 AM

arrest

i hate being made to say things, small talk. i realise it's a very big part of being a social unit etc, but i really do hate it. like seeing someone at the bus stop who you know only slightly, and whom you know takes the same bus as you. it's really tiring, to sit around and smile, and be less than honest.

today i arrested theodore in conversation, for five minutes, and forced him to say something honest to me. and i thought about that one day during church camp when i was all wired up and caffeintated and started asking him weird cryptic question after question, until he turned around and said stop making me think. and i said that if he wasn't the kind to think, no amount of effort on my part would have been able to make him to, and he agreed with me. so, so that was fun, when i'm just so absolutely certain (why?) that there's something in that head, that would understand.

my room smells like my shower, clean and shampooed. i want to lie on my bed listening to simon and garfunkel and thinking about how tired i am right now. i'm tired beyond the point of wanting to sleep, but i'm sure that will come, give me five minutes, just lying there. simon and garfunkel is one of my favourite kinds of mellow music. i. i really need this moment right now, because being sociable like i have been today, in big groups, is really. really tiring and i need to collect back the pieces of myself that have been leased out, bit by bit, in every casuall ypassed conversation.

i want to play chess tomorrow.