Sunday, July 30, 2006 // 9:50 PM

i think the guys cheered me up with their guitar playing. daryl, and random cheesey songs from the nineties, and a sunday evening to sit around and chill out, with chocolate cake in our midst.

i remember sitting on the floor looking straight ahead at joel's fingers, moving up and down the frets right at my eye level, and thinking, this, in front of me, is the most real and immediate thing. the silver knobs and the texture of the wood, joel's bitten down nails with the blisters and peeling skin. just when i'm finding myself increasingly confused, about everything that has ever made sense to me before.

there are three things taped to my computer, control (taped over the power switch), don't worry about about it (which joel kept saying during that one phone conversation i had with him), and joel's letter. i'm grateful for the friends i have. you don't have to look into my life and ask me if i'm okay, and try to understand, but you do.