Saturday, July 22, 2006 // 12:50 AM

i want to talk to one person, instead of ten. it frustrates me, or rather, leaves me unsettled, and empty, after having to spin an Intellectual Yarn, with liyan, xiehuan. because the world and its gorgeousness could spread out before you, a clear, still night, and still all you would want to do is __________. fill in the blank: what would you like to do?

i don't want to explain myself. i can't be bothered, tonight.

i have so much ambivalence, with intelligence. i like being challenged, intellectually, every once in a while, it mildly interests me, in a hey cool sort of fashion, the way trivia might interest a factoid king. but i would not collect it because fundamentally i just don't think it's worth my time. intellect bores me because there is just so little beauty, so little poetry in it all. because people are people, instead of a collection of ideas, virtues and vices.

i want to dance. and play more than an hour of piano, and find, read, more Poetry That Agrees With Me. and take more photos, of you and us and this gorgeous night. this sound artsy shit, but this is where i am happy, take this moment please, and make it last. ever after. and that makes me think of dennis and how he said sell out, in an unjudgemental way: that people do, that i might do. and i think, middle class, this is why i am so many things outside the feel goods, this is why i suspend my feelings and beliefs and disbeliefs til the weekend.

it is the weekend. no time to be sitting still.