Wednesday, August 30, 2006 // 8:22 PM

ain't got no life, y'all says:
they eat chickens
muff says:
i eat chickens
ain't got no life, y'all says:
hurhur
muff says:
point is?
ain't got no life, y'all says:
you're meant for each other
muff says:
yeah
muff says:
we can go cook book shopping together
muff says:
the sales girl will be like "mister you can't bring that fox in here"
muff says:
and i'll say "i need a second opinion"

i'm happy today, having done no work, having exchanged words and laughter with various people. and i'm discovering, how good it feels to let things go, how much catharsis. i could sit here all night eating ben n jerry's and having mundane conversation about soduku and washing dishes.

forever, is one of those words i will consign to youth, and idealism. which i feel quickly slipping away.

i want to reduce you. to words, to functions, to a bunch of ideas. so that i can store you in my head, pay less attention to the subtleties; so that i can carry you around with me, put my hands on your skin and wish for warmth, comfort, wisdom, solid ground. some days i am sorry for not treating you like human being, but then, you know. the next day i do it all the same, all over again. what an endless tirade.

now i only think: i am glad you don't take me seriously, all the time. even when i sulk, and stamp my foot, and throw a melodramatic tantrum, i suppose i can be thankful that you do not indulge me. i see now how exasperating this can be, and also how unpleasant it would be to further encourage me to crawl into these holes in the ground, curl up with myself.

and i lapse into chinese, sometimes, in moments of familiarity, doing dishes with my mom for example. it's strange that something so somehow foriegn, confusing can come so naturally, close to home. it is strange the other way around, too.

i learnt about northern lights today. gorgeous thing.