Tuesday, August 01, 2006 // 1:38 AM

smoke your way through this one

i have no time to communicate, and be a human being, i am sorry, but then i am not sorry, i am utilitarian, utilitarian. forcing this on myself like a fascist, but then a facist would involve some sort of resistance, would require of secret police, to quell the malcontenders. instead i am greeted only by boredom's hohumness, like the dull indifference of someone who is supposed to greet you at the airport but who has instead fallen asleep in his chair at the arrivals hall. i even have loss the inability to say, lamentingly, oh how i wish it weren't so, with a characteristic angst, because right now i am a bored too of whining about the a levels. perhaps i can say, like a snooty colonial official, it is most unfortunate. it is most unfortunate.

i am characterised by the acute feeling of a lack of control over my life. let me say that again, and once again not in the active: i am characterised by the feeling of a lack of control over my life. this go get it generation, this carpe diem business. well.

nocturnal it is, folks, and bossa nova music to keep me company. i have discovered again that the night time is the time to be alive, the time to be awake and aware of every shuffle and silence, the night has to offer. and the day time is too punctuated by lethargy or distraction to be productive, anyway. perhaps i function best on lack of sleep, caffeine and a copious amount of tim tams, cool night air and the freedom to walk around my house wearing no pants because everyone else is asleep.