Friday, October 27, 2006 // 12:55 AM

A worm just crawled out of my laundry basket, and kept very still for five minutes while my eyes bulged out of my head staring at it. It's actually quite interesting, in an unspeakable disgusting way (because the idea that this thing has been fraternizing with my clothes dammit is beyond gross) because it stayed in it's little brown covering looking like a harmless piece of lint, every once in a while poking its little black head/tail out of each end, and retreating hastily upon realising that it was still being spied on. By huge all powerful human, me, who after briefly fantasizing about dissecting it up for curiosity's sake, flushed it down the toilet bowl. Can I say, this is beyond beyond beyond disgusting, and I am thus giving up on work for today to clean my room.

Work: I am so, so completely dead. I can feel myself overstudying for history, and the idea of trying to confront my econs right now actually terrifies me. And I have been dreaming about the end of November, about next year. The freedom to have my head on straight.

And I realised lately that I have actually felt quite stifled in the last two years. Environment, I love the irreverence of humanz, the fact that we get away with so much; People individually are really interesting but sometimes just awkward as a sort of uneasy high-school cocktail and I hate that, being uneasy, holding back. Comfortable, yes and yet not really; Creative, yes and yet not really. At the end of the day academia per se bores me, the ideas on the page don't move or breathe until you put them in the minds and mouths of people who will do something interesting with them.